I'm finding myself travelling alone more and more since I started at Mozilla. I'm absolutely loving the experience and opportunity but there are still a few things about travelling on your own that bug me, like eating alone. I'd love to hear from you about how you deal with these things as well as hearing any other travel-related tips.
Since I started at Mozilla last June I've done a ridiculous amount of travel, something like 70,000 miles to 8 different countries and 11 different cities. That's more countries and more miles than I've ever done in my life, and that isn't including the travel I do around the UK!
All this travel is great, and I get to do some amazing things while meeting some inspiring people. I love it, I really do. The only problem is that I'm absolutely crap at the practical aspects of travelling alone, namely eating on my own and generally doing other things alone. I think it's partly about eating alone being socially awkward, but I think another part is that I'm poor at languages (other than code) so that barrier often prevents itself as an issue.
There's only so many times that I can skip dinner because the thought of eating alone scares the crap of out me, although I'm mainly joking but that has honestly happened once or twice. I'm very fortunate to have these opportunities so I'd love to conquer the "being alone" aspects of travel so I can truly enjoy them.
So how do you handle travelling alone? More specifically, how do you approach eating alone?
I'm looking forward to hearing your opinions and tips. My travel is just a drop in the ocean compared to some people that I know!
Transmissions Received
Jim
When eating alone, I take along an iPad (or similar) loaded with movies or episodes of TV shows.
I order my meal, plug in my headphones and zone out the rest of the diners. Makes for an extremely relaxing meal, and interestingly I will almost never get weird looks (or at least not that I notice ;)
Pete
Check where are the coolest parties at the destination city, go there, find new friends and eat with them. Depending on your gender and sexual orientation I’d prefer eating with girls.
Iain
I think you just need to overcome your social awkwardness! Going to a restaurant alone is one of life’s great pleasures. If you ever find yourself married with kids you will relish a bit of alone time, honestly. Most European countries can accommodate a good natured Englishman who doesn’t speak the language. Obviously if you’re in Japan it’s a bit harder. You have lots of followers in twitter, why not see if any of them want to get lunch or dinner? I’ve done this a few times and it’s a great way to meet new people.
David Burns
I do one of the following:
- Ping people from Twitter
- Ping people from mailing list
- Meet someone new at the city I am in and organise with them to go out.
If I can’t do that I tend to just get room service and enjoy some alone time, being a parent alone time should never be sniffed at!
Peter Gasston
When eating alone I usually take a book with me, but depending where I am, I don’t always read it; sometimes I just like to look around and soak up the atmosphere, try to get a feel for the place I am in. In the end, as Iain says above, you just have to get over feeling awkward.
Karel
I traveled alone a lot for my PhD, both to countries with a good understanding of English and countries where they don’t understand “yes” (China). In both cases I really enjoy eating alone, going to movies alone and stuff like that. Bring along a book, puzzle books and a smartphone with some games on it and you’re good to go.
Also, I stay at hostels to get some social contact. I don’t like hotels because you never ever get to meet anyone there. (Good) hostels are usually cleaner AND cheaper than the cheaper hotels, and are a lot more fun. But it’s personal whether you can live with the lack of real privacy.
Kel (@vamsmack)
I used to be in this situation a lot due to work as well Rob. It’s a weird feeling eating alone but I used to do it a lot. I would still go out and eat at restaurants but only after room service became so unbearable it forced me out.
I would attend conferences/interstate offices and depending on who I was seeing etc I would try to hook up with those people and catch them and invite them out to dinner even if it’s a few nights in a row people will usually oblige especially when you share common interests.
I used to frequent a lot of the same cities so I ended up buying tourist guides and finding little hole in the wall kind of places where it felt like a place where more of the locals eat & hang out. Often if I was having a beer by myself after a long day of work I would get approached by others and having a fairly decent chat which is weird at first but really awesome, you’re not usually the only person who is alone.
Needless to say if you’re in Melbourne ping me on twitter and i’ll buy you dinner.
Michelle
Great thread. ^^
+1 to the folks recommending to bring a book or tablet with you to a meal, and just enjoying the downtime and chance to read.
I also find that sharing my location on Twitter & elsewhere encourages serendipity and opportunities to meet friends, new and old.
If you’re feeling more social, but haven’t been able to find anyone in town, I’d recommend looking up events on Couchsurfing, Meet-Up, Lanyrd, Gidsy, etc. You might find something really neat going on & have a chance to meet people in a setting where it’s not awkward to arrive alone. ^^
// m
Harold Sacks
I know exactly how you feel. I really enjoy traveling alone with a selection of good books, a camera and an iPod it’s one of the most satisfying and therapeutic ways to spend your time.
If you’re feeling lonely then there are plenty of social options on the internet that you may or may not have already heard about/considered.
Here are my recommendations (chiming with @Michelle): -
* Meetup.com - loads of options with this one
* Couchsurfing - there are loads of people on there who love to meet new and interesting people (you don’t necessarily have to stay at their houses either)
I also get involved with groups like the ‘Hash House Harriers’ which involve exercise and drinking games. They are usually really fun and friendly people from all over the world. If you can handle a leisurely jog, drinking beers and singing songs then I can definitely recommend this group.
db48x
I’ve never found eating alone to be socially awkward. The awkwardness you feel is a state of your own mind, not something inherent in the activity. :)
On the other hand, a post here on your blog gets picked up by planet.mozilla.org, so you’re bound to be able to interest somebody that way.
Jonas
I was actually quite surprised to read that some find eating alone awkward. Isn’t that the most natural thing? In this part of the world it’s very usual.
Yaroslav
I’ve also skip dinners during business trips. But, that’s not making me feel sad. It is a great opportunity to think on things on which you’ll never think in a crowd.
Gen Kanai
Great question. Fwiw, being uncomfortable with eating alone is cultural baggage I believe. In many cultures there is no stigma attached to eating alone.
For instance in Japan there are many cuisines which are made for solo eating, ramen being a classic example. But in any major city in Japan there are many restaurants in which eating alone is just as common as not. Most are not high-end places, fwiw.
If you are traveling on mozilla business and want to meet other mozilla
Representatives or local users, there are a bunch of places (ReMo people list, Mozillians phone book) which you can use as well.
I don’t mind eating alone, and do so a bunch when I travel for mozilla, but I do get bored quickly. So I usually have my podcasts and/or Kindle with me so I can listen to an interesting discussion or read a book.
I agree with others that today, with social media, a little bit of pre planning can almost always get you someone to dine with but the quality of the discussion might be uneven based on how you find your dining companion.
Robert O'Callahan
In 1997 I did an internship at DEC SRC in Palo Alto and ate alone almost every night for the whole summer. It was weird at first but I pretty quickly learned to enjoy it—- and watching movies alone twice a week at the Stanford Theatre on University Ave.
As someone mentioned above, once you have kids, having a chance to do something alone is a positive luxury!
thana
Couchsurfing was mentioned some times already, and i too can recommend it wholeheartedly. Just register an account, add some infos about yourself and write a short post to the group of the city you are travelling too a day or two in advance, and you will probably get to know a lot of very interesting people. You can also look thru the profiles and write some people directly if you want.
It’s a superfast and direct way to make friends everywhere your go, just try it :)
Stormy
I too dislike eating alone at restaurants. I think this is because one of the very first times I went out to eat by myself the waiter said “You are by YOURSELF??” :)
Often, I’ll get food to go and take it back to my room to eat.
If I eat in a restaurant I usually read or browse on my phone. Another option is to pick places that have a bar you can eat at (like a sushi bar). A lot of people sit by themselves at the bar.
If you look around, more people are eating by themselves than you would have thought.
Joe Brockmeier
If I’m alone, I bring a book or tablet. (Kindle, iPad)
Selena Deckelmann
When I eat alone, I try to sit at a bar, or a communal space where conversation might be possible. I don’t always enjoy being by myself, but I try to bring a book, my phone, or a scratch pad to keep myself from feeling too awkward if I end up not talking to anyone. I avoid putting in headphones unless I really want to be alone.
Here are some tips for being social when you go out alone:
Find a restaurant that seats people on communal tables (Tasty & Sons in Portland!), and you end up being involved in conversations—whether you were looking for that nor not.
Have a drink, if you’re not opposed to alcohol. One drink will often loosen you up so you don’t worry as much about being alone.
Ask wait staff questions about food, about nearby bars and coffee shops, about places you should go next.
Books are great props - they have covers, and indicate how far along you are, both opportunities for conversation. And this goes especially for those classics that you think you should have read but never did. Thing is, everyone else thinks that they should have read them, and if you look sort of like you’d respond to comment, often others will (e.g. Anna Karenina, On the Road—both finished while travelling because otherwise I would have NEVER HAD THE ATTENTION SPAN). Posture here is really helpful - lean back a little, have a drink to sip on and look around a bit when you’re not absorbed by the book.
Another trick for me has been learning 3-4 phrases or questions in whatever language (this has worked with French, Italian, German and Spanish—and really, you can learn this much in an afternoon if you’re a developer). Then commit to using them whenever you go out to eat - even if you pronounce it wrong or feel embarassed. I target small restaurants that make their food from scratch, and go pretty late at night. Waiters and cooks in these places tend to be most willing to have after dinner conversation in English and drinks.
Once I met an ex-pat from Hawaii who’d lived 30 years in Paris and we drank wine until 3am talking about cheese (he was a cheese monger), living in Paris and why he left the US. I have so many stories like this. SO AWESOME.
Definite hit up coworkers ahead of time for suggestions for places to go. Locals, even if they think they don’t, always know the best places.
Wear a funny hat, a brightly colored shirt, or some bit of clothing that draws attention. It’s another bit of signaling that tells the people around you that you’re looking for conversation and comments, not intentionally trying to be alone.
Hope that helps! :)
Terri
I also travel alone frequently and while I actually like hitting up museums and wandering the city on my own, I do really hate eating alone. Plus, in some cities it’s not easy to guess where will be safw and where won’t, so it’s a good idea to travel in packs especially if you’ll be coming back after dark.
I do a few things:
1. If I don’t have any reasonable way to meet someone, I make sure I have my phone on me and I text a friend. Less lonely, at least someone knows where I am, and figuring out what I’m going to say about the food and ambiance of the restaurant I’m in at least provides some distraction and makes it more of a shared experience.
2. Phone/book/tourist literature are all good distractions without company, and convenient excuses if you wind up attracting company that you don’t want. (Also the reason I go to restaurants and not bars, where a solo woman is an invitation to many.)
3. Meet people! I most often travel solo for conferences, so I make it my mission on the first day to make friends with a couple of people and make dinner plans. This is pretty easy within the conference context. If you don’t come across a “hallway track” conversation that interests you, you can always go up and talk to an interesting speaker after their talk. Even if they’re busy, usually the other people up there will have similar interests. I found this incredibly scary the first time I did it, but this sort of networking is worth learning.
4. If I don’t meet someone during the day, I hang out near the lobby and see if I can tag along with a group that’s leaving. It’s usually easy to identify fellow conference goers thanks to the name badges. I met some really fascinating evolutionary computation people who wanted to go for a ferris wheel ride before dinner, once. I’ve found people exceptionally understanding when I say I’d just rather not eat alone, probably because I’m a petite woman. I try to pay this forward by inviting folk to join my group when I know people and have one.
5. Bring people to you! A friend of mine once commented that her giant camera was a socialization aid because people would come up to her and ask about it, which saved her scariness of having to initiate conversations on her own, a problem for her as an introvert. So bring out that huge camera, wear a funny hat, give an amazing presentation, be the person standing in the lobby with the giant tourist map, etc.
6. Plan meetups in advance. I find I know people around the world through my open source involvement, so if I put out a message on twitter or a social mailing list I can often find someone who’s got time to meet up, or who can at least suggest places to me so I know it won’t be scary when i leave the restaurant that night.
7. Plan meetups in advance part 2: Organize something! Especially with conferences, there’s often lots of solo attendees or people who just want to see the sights. Do your tourist homework and organize a trip to visit some local tourist attraction and advertise it (often there’s a board for such things at conferences, or you can talk to the registration desk staff). Equally, join any such event that someone else has organized.
So that’s a few things that have worked for me. I won’t say I *never* wind up eating alone (sometimes I’m just feeling too tired and introverted to put myself out there) but I’ve definitely met a lot of neat folk thanks to my aversion to eating by myself!
kisa_ss
I am one of your loyal readers.I think the book the page `123 code
“var numPixels=pixels.length”->“var numPixels=pixels.length/4” will be better.What do you think?
I am a Chinese novice.My English not very well ：P
David
While I think that lunch or dinner are good moments to share with others I often eat alone in college. I find it a great moment to think and relax without having to listen other people.
Jason
Hi Rob,
Pleasure meeting you yesterday at your talk over at Apress. You seem genuinely passionate about the topic. I came here looking for your slides and saw this post instead. Usually when travelling alone, I find the best way to make eating alone more fun is to sit at the bar. Usually, I find the others around me to be more open to chatting and the bartender being there also helps it from becoming awkward.
NYC is a great city and you should have no trouble making friends and finding a workspace for your time here. Ping me if you’d like any suggestions on where to eat, work or grab a pint. Cheers!
-Jason
pete griffiths
There’s a website for this
wwww.grubwithus.com
check it out
:)
petemay
I don’t mind eating alone, being alone with my thoughts. But there are times when I’m alone but crave contact and conversation. If I’m dining alone but don’t want to be I follow two rules: first, pick an appropriate restaurant and second, look receptive!
Many restaurants, even high end grills, have counter seating. Take the counter and don’t sit at the end, dive into the middle. If nothing else, you can enjoy eavesdropping. If there are no high-end restaurants with counters, go slumming. There are coffee shops, diners with counters and there are always plenty of bars with bars! Agin, jump into the middle of things. Sit near other people. Or, if you see anyone else with a book on the counter, grab a seat next to them. Books are old-school and social. There are even book clubs, right? I’ve never heard of an iPad club. iPads are too big, showy and solitary. Check your phone for email if you have to. Look at it (or tweet or sign in) and then put it away. Don’t bring an iPad to dinner and never headsets! Headsets are the universal symbol for “leave me alone.”
Situational awareness is the key to finding social contact. Watch who’s watching you? Who’s looking around? Who joking with the staff? Who seems social! If you brought a book, watch to see if anyone is looking. I’ve started many a conversation with people who are clearly looking to see what I’m reading.
If you have the opportunity to start a conversation always give the person you’re conversing with the opportunity to talk about themselves. Listen to what they’re saying and prove you’re listening by asking follow-up questions.
Good starter conversations follow certain rules. Don’t hate things. Don’t dis the people or the town. Don’t talk about death or ex’s. Don’t talk about yourself. If the conversation gets going you’ll have time to share your story later. Avoid absolutes - “I’ve never wanted to visit Germany.” “I always vote liberal.” Absolutes close doors.
Don’t say things that are funny only if the person knows your sense of humor (a mistake I still make!).
If you are eavesdropping and hear an opening, take it. Within seconds you’ll know whether your interjection is welcomed, politely tolerated or, at the very worst, unwelcome. Then you pull back and look for another avenue. Most of the time you can find solace in the fact that you’ll probably never see these people again!
For a time I made my living shooting travel videos so I’ve done tons of national and international travel and I am convinced, no matter the country, no matter the people, you get what you give. So give open, pleasant, friendly and joyful vibes and that’s exactly what you’ll get.
Ian Ballantyne
Make an event of going out eating!
I once went to a restaurant that had live Jazz. It was more like watching a performance with food included than eating by myself.
In the states its much easier, you get a seat at the bar and you’ll always end up chatting to someone about their life. I met a lovely couple in Seattle this way, the conversation started about the Baseball that was on the TV!
I’ve also found that just speaking with a different accent is enough to start a whole conversation that lasts all night!
I’ll put money on the fact that eventually you’ll know at least 1 person in every city you visit ;)